It was a chilly Sunday morning as I sat in the emergency room at 3 AM at the Mayfield – Cleveland clinic. Just hours before I had experience severe stomach pain and nausea on the way to an event that evening. I remember sitting in my car and thinking “I just have 15 more minutes. Please don’t throw up – please don’t throw up…”
I was able to make it to the bathroom on site, before I ended up puking. But it wasn’t the fact that I was throwing up that made made go to the ER… it was because the build up contained blood.
That night I was diagnosed with chronic stomach ulcers – my biggest indication was probably from the fact of years of taking acetaminophen for migraines. I knew that this was a side effect, but I never really thought much of it. And especially now, since I had definitely not been taking as much acetaminophen after my neurologist told me to stop. I mainly stuck to my prescription migraine medications or Ibuprofen.
A few weeks later was New Year’s Eve; being with friends I decided to indulge a little bit – and wow what a mistake that was. I’ve never been a big drinker, but after that night I made the decision to stop drinking altogether. Even with just the small bit of alcohol I had, I ended up rupturing one of the ulcers in my stomach, and I spent two days bleeding. It was every bit as terrible and scary as it sounds.
Looking back, alcohol honestly has never done anything significant for me. The only reason I ever end up drinking in the first place is because I am with friends – and even then I’m almost always the Designated driver because I just have never been into alcohol. Have I drank? Oh yes – but mainly at cons or holidays. Occasionally I’d have a glass of wine with my family at dinner – but again, that’s a special occasion. My times of drinking are very far, few, and in between – so when we decided to make this jump, it really wasn’t all that difficult. My husband also did this with me, but he totally didn’t have to. I guess he kind of felt the same way about alcohol? Either way, we jumped on the sober train together. And in a way, having a partner on the same diet restrictions as you is definitely convenient. I won’t complain about it!
But with that said, being the “sober couple” has definitely made me realize a handful of things since we stopped drinking eight months ago. Some are strange, some are funny, and others I think are expected; but if you’re considering “The sober lifestyle”, these are a handful of things that you can come to expect and know from my personal journey.
1 – The Reaction
Considering the fact that I was never much of a heavy drinker, this is definitely something that I have experienced before we gave up alcohol in December. However, I don’t think that the response to being “sober” ever makes it any better or easier. It seems like we get the strangest look whenever we tell people that we don’t drink. Even people that we have known for years somehow seem to take personal offense to the fact that we don’t indulge in alcohol. We then have to explain why and how long we’ve been doing this etc … and sometimes I do explain this multiple times to the same people. I have to forgive them offering a glass of wine for the eighteenth time. They’re just trying to do the “expected” thing.
People also have a tendency to expect that there is something wrong or going on. Like, why does a completely normal person stop drinking? Oh, she must be PREGNANT. I think this is the sober lady’s favorite question when asked why she isn’t drinking. The only good explanation is a logical explanation, right?
In the last few months, it seems like most people are just completely shocked that we don’t drink. I think that mainly comes from the fact that 2020 has low-key become the year of the alcoholics (I am kidding) – I mean, it kills coronavirus right?! People just always seem to be baffled; Almost as if they were surprised that we couldn’t handle stress in other ways than drinking. The truth is – neither one of us ever handled stress from drinking liquor or having a glass of wine;
2 – The Odd One Out
Not drinking almost always guarantees a way to put an immediate target on your back for a conversation within a group of people. I at least have the excuse of “Health Reasons” but my poor husband almost always just says, “It’s just easier if we both don’t do it.” I can’t say this makes me feel better, but he doesn’t seem to mind. Even with the lack of small get-togethers and parties we’ve had or attended this year, someone almost always asks of us if not drinking is a “religious thing” (which it’s not.) and for some reason people seem to think that we’re going to get really offended by them drinking. (Which of course, we do not! We’re not prudes.) But it does make me feel awkward. I always feel as if I’m letting someone down in a social setting because I’m not participating in the “normal evening activities”.
3 – A Clear Mind
In the spring of 2019, I started getting vertigo a little bit more than I normally do. Part of the reason that I’ve never been a heavy drinker is because I feel drunk almost daily. It kind of takes the fun out of actually getting tipsy when you’re constantly having to stop the world from spinning. I feel as if drinking was a muddler for my thoughts, feelings and emotions. But in reality, I guess that’s why people actually drink. I personally don’t like the fuzzy, muddled feeling. I like being able to think, and enjoy myself without the need to indulge in alcohol. Not drinking is more than just a choice, it’s a test of willpower.
4 – Parties Are More Fun
By removing alcohol from the equation, it’s definitely made parties a lot more interesting. I feel like I have a better grasp on situations, and get to see the party from a sober point of view. I personally have found that I have more fun because I am removing certain element from the equation. Alcohol is instant gratification, whereas without it you rely on your own wits to pull you through. If it sounds hard, then you clearly need more natural fun in your life. If you don’t believe me, you should definitely try it. Game night is more fun when you can actually remember it in the morning.
5 – People Expect Something From You
As a sober friend, it almost becomes an initial part of your character that you are the designated driver, the watch guard, the so-called parent of the group. On this journey I found that people definitely expect you to become the grown-up and make all the decisions – especially when the drunk crowd has partied. It’s one reason I think people hate being the designated driver in the group; when you drink, you don’t have to take responsibility for anything – in reality that’s a lie, but try telling that to your drunk best friend at 3 AM. The person who doesn’t drink suddenly becomes the responsible one. People expect you to get them home safely.
6 – Do or Do Not, There Is No Try
Drinking as a crutch – it’s something that most people do for social activity. Some people drink for stress, but nine times out of ten you’re drinking because you’re with a group of friends, out for cocktails with coworkers, or sharing a beer with your roommate. But what happens when you eliminate the alcohol? Honestly most people are scared to not indulge in the activities of drinking. It scares them because you’re removing a certain element that most people find is common ground between mixed company. Everybody drinks – so everyone is on the same playing Field. It’s the one thing that universally connects a large group of people together. And to tell the truth… there will always be pressure to drink. Even if nobody says anything, there’s a strong pressure to indulge because you don’t want to be left out. Most business conferences have a happy hour because they know that their crowd of professionals are humans – it’s a way for people to let loose and becomes one of the strongest networking strategies that you’ll ever find in the business world. After 8 years of working conventions and conferences, trust me, it’s a strategy to conveniently place alcohol in your attendees way, not a charitable act of kindness.
7 – It Takes the Stress Out Of Trying to Hard
We’ve all been there; it’s past midnight and you have a friend who’s had a little bit too much, and they start saying things that they probably, normally, hopefully, would never say if they had not been drinking. The truth is you never know if someone actually would say something. I almost feel like by watching your friends get drunk you actually learn who they are. When you’re drunk I’ve learned that people try just a little bit too hard… they tend to push limits just a little bit too much. And I’m not saying that every drunk person is like this, or that even every occasion is like this, but man not drinking makes me feel like I don’t have anybody to impress. Instead, it often feels like the tables are turned. I feel like without liquid courage I can better present and impress with a clear mind.
8 – Empty Calories
As someone who works out regularly, one of the first things that I learned about was empty calorie intake. and let me just tell you, I would much rather eat an entire bowl of ice cream, a bag of chips, or indulge myself in 100 other different ways than alcohol. Drinking has a huge impact on your diet that can negatively affect you. Personally there’s 1000 other things that I’d rather be doing then drinking. For some people that glass of wine is their bowl of ice cream, and that’s perfectly OK! But for me, I’d rather have the ice cream.
Honestly from not drinking, I feel better. I feel healthier, lighter on my feet, and I never have to think about those calories. I’m trying to stay healthy, and – stomach ulcers aside – not drinking has definitely made a more positive impact on my life than drinking ever did.
If you choose to drink, (and I know it’s been over stated but) please drink responsibly. And if you have a friend who chooses not to drink, please remember that these are some of the struggles and strange facts that they face. Please respect their decision to not indulge in alcohol.
For those of you that are bartenders out there – Please don’t turn my drink into a “Kiddie” drink. It’s very disheartening. We want to be treated like the adults we are. Make it pretty; Make it look like a cocktail. When you take that away from us, you place a target on our backs for conversations that are not important to why we are there. We are every bit as professional with or without alcohol in our glass.
I do not have any issues or problems with friends that drink; Of course I do encourage you to give the “Sober” friend a try though. Think about your reasons of why you drink, and the value that it actually adds to your life. Give it a try just to test your own willpower! You might surprise yourself.
Life of an Everyday Princess 